March 3 2022. My daughters are adults now, over 40 years old. Our relationship ended in so far as seeing each other in person, knowing each other as Father and Daughter when they were three and four years old. Their Mother and I were married for several years and We were like any other Father and Daughter until the separation and contact ended. Their Mother felt they needed time to adjust and We should not see each other for awhile. That later changed to a position that We should not see each other until Child Support was established. This was and still is a common practice to break the parent/child bond, mimimize contact to maximize Child Support. The final move was to exit the state with the intentions of erasing all contact and memory from the children's mind..
These things they were too young to be aware of and now find impossible to even conceive. My oldest daughter has requested no further contact in way shape or form. My youngest daughter states "It is because of your absence as a Father that I had so many problems with Men." This is common with Parental Alienation which is common in America and everywhere.
Their cold uneducated positions cry out for correction even if it never falls upon their deaf ears. The majority of Black Fathers will experience the same as it is the norm and it is sadly a part of our culture. They are not alone and there is life after however with a better informed Mind young Men and young Women can make better, wiser decisions and avoid such a tragedy and example of a lack of morals, as this.
Parental Alienation, Child Support Fraud and Child Trafficking have become strange bedfellows to some over the years yet to others it has always been commonplace. As sacred as The Truth is the supply is always in excess of the demand. Let Us begin.
Long Distance Pen Pals
Shortly after Child Support was agreed to in The Denver Family Courts, and temporary "visitation" was established, I was notified of a major change. My daughters Mother called to inform me that it would be advisable for me to "start weaning myself from their lives." She informed me that she decided to give her daughters to her ex-boyfriend and He would be their Father from now on.
She continued to state that they would be relocating to Round Rock Texas and their names would be changed. Her decision laughed in the face of the Court Order that stipulated the "neither parent would move or relocate more than thirty -five miles from the Denver State Capitol." Filing a Motion to contest this change would be non-effective as it would be at least six months to get before a Judge or Magistrate and by that time, and expense, it would have been a moot point.
My Parenting Time went from one day every other week to communication by mail, snail mail not email.
Parental Alienation, Child Support Fraud, Extortion, Embezzlement and Child Trafficking.” Rayford Hobbs
Making the Best of the Time We Had.
Those few hours every other Saturday were divided between Aunt Lottie, Grandma, Uncle T. (Godfather), my tennis buddies at City Park., Taco Bell, local museums and anything of thier interest which was always educational. One of those Saturday's Grandma claimed as her own so I would simply drop them off and she woukd return them in time to go back to their Mother.
Sixteen hours of daylight a month goes by too quickly to hesitate, it was simply jamming every minute into every hour with every person who wanted to know them. Bedtime stories were from Encyclopedias and National Geographic magazines Judge Flanigan wanted them to have. It was made clear that our time was very limited with no exceptions, holidays were out of the question.
"They are too young they should be with their Mother for now, .." There were a few rare hours they spent with their Grandfather, whom had been "exiled" from the family by "Ofay". It was a horrendous beat down of a wonderful family Man who would disappear and resurface later revealing many things previously unknown.
The things Men often have to do are no different from the many things Women "often have to do" as well. My daughters knew nothing of their paternal family history and exhibited no desire to. My greatest regret was introducing someone to my daughters that had no interest in family, a Woman who had no desire to be a parent or have a daughter ever.
Growing Up Fast and Furious.
We tried for as long as We could to maintain communication by mail and by telephone but as they grew so did their interests. Elementary school became Junior High School and all of a sudden our conversations were even farther and fewer in between. Girls just want to have fun and get gifts and that what it was. I was spending more time shopping for books and things that would make a lasting impression because our conversations were simply casual and nothing really personal.
All My Boyfriends "Look Like You Daddy"
As the communication dwindled down to voice mails and fleeting, passing, hurried conversations , .. the essence of parenting, the relationship of a Father and Daughter no longer existed. There were no longer any lunches or long rides, just the two of us, and there were never any questions about their day or ever seeing them drive a car. In all likelihood it was an idyllic world of seven year old girl who went to lunch, movies, shopping, museums and visiting family every other Saturday.
It was the only world they knew with their biological Father and it was rapidly becoming a fading memory. The only time We conneceted was at holidays and the phone was passed between boyfriends "Here, say Hi to My Dad , .." It was natural as that was what teenage girls do..
Christmas and Holidays, Forgotten Ancestry
In the recent movie Erasing Family the importance of children knowing who their ancestors were and who their current family members are,(on both sides of their parents families)was essential. Black history and culture demanded this even more however the bitter and wicked actions to establish mental as well as physical custody of children often destroy this rare commodity. I was surprised recently how common it is now for many to have no desire or interest what so ever in such matters. Read More
My daughters connection with myself and my family was burned like it was a plague and today there is no connication at all. The only true knowledge I have of their lives is of their time as very young children and those very, very few hours We were allowed to be together.
Roots: Extended Family, Grandparents, Grandchildren
Digging down deeper into family roots and how and why they extend far and wide is a never ending journey. The everlasting tragic effects of slavery and institutional racism over the decades has taken a sad toll. Surviving the Family Court System was a miracle within itself and accepting the realities of the outcomes can either make or break a person. RayfordHobbs.Biz
Fortunately my life and the lives of my children were during the years of The Internet and Social Media. I was allowed an opportunity to view the lives of my children and grandchildren from afar, sight unseen, documents and photos, conversations and fallouts, children growing into adulthood and much, much more. I was afforded a sanpshot trough videos of the Man that my children were assigned to and their lives as teenagers and young Women in private and in public life. Seriously!
The Reality of Parenting Today for The 99%
Before my daughters were relocated to Texas I had remarried, bought a home and was well into the career that I had sought many years before and had come into fruition. The traditional norms that were instilled in me were coming to life however times were changing and what I experienced as a child within my family was nothing like what I experienced as a Father.
I was naive and even ignorant of the current status of Black marriage, fathers, parenting and the dismal state that Black families were experiencing. It was a national joke and The Child Support and Family Court Systems in place nationally insured the division of the majority of marriages. My second marriage was a failed attempt at blending fragmented families. It was a story within itself that begs to be told, and will. I later realized through research and observation that 99% of Black parents in America are single. Statistics and demographics currently available institutionally and academically are decades old and inaccurate at that.
The Haters and The Pride Killers
The Misery Industry. The Childless Experts. Killing Black Men one by one. There was/is one person whose hatred was exceptional during my years of attempting to know my daughters in person, not by phone across state lines. This person was so unbelievably wicked and hid it from no one. This person's mantra for life was "I Hate Stupid Niggers". This is not just a story for sharing, it is unfortunately an exprience of extreme racism and even reverse racism, by a Women who proudly and boldly exclaimed throughout her life "I never want to have a child."
It is the horrible reminder of abuse and hatred inflicted upon my parents for many, many years. "The Hater" did not believe in Single Black Fathers raising Black Sons and Black Daughters, and terrorized my home with the vile spewed endlessly and without regard of my children present. Her name is "Twisted Sister".
Abstract
Early research on the Black family implied an enormous lack of African-American father presence and involvement among African-American fathers. However, more current research negates those findings by highlighting the contributions African-American fathers make when parenting their children (Coley, 2003; Cooper, 2009; Mandara, Murray & Joyner, 2005). In spite of facing unique psychological and social challenges, such as disproportionate levels of poverty, and race related social barriers, such as the invisibility syndrome (Franklin & Boyd-Franklin, 2000), researchers who have studied the African-American father-daughter dyad have discovered that this relationship has many benefits for African-American girls, including cognitive and academic enhancements, reductions in early sexual behaviors, development of gender identity and increased prosocial behaviors with peers (Black, Dubowitz & Starr, 1999; Coley, 2003; Cooper, 2009; Mandara, Murray & Joyner, 2005). The majority of the research that acknowledges African-American fathering typically involves fathers and sons. Critically, the father-daughter dyad is generally overlooked in psychological investigations of parenting and child development literature. Therefore, this dissertation will examine the African-American father-daughter relationship through application of a dyadic parentchild assessment method called the Marschack Interaction Method. Use of this method will determine the impact that African-American fathers have on their daughters' social and emotional development. An exploratory multiple case study design was developed that observed five African-American father-daughter dyads. Their participation required completion of the following instruments: Multidimensional Parenting Inventory (MDPI), an instrument that has been used in family intervention programs to determine parenting..
African American Fathers' Experiences of Alienation from Their Children due to Texas Family Code
As sacred as The Truth is the supply is always in excess of the demand.
Rainmaker Applied Intelligence.
March 3, 2022